Things we DON'T need to know!!

All of us know that when you go to the doctor, clinic, hospital etc., you are asked a lot of probing questions and in return are expected to give out a good amount of personal information - - sometimes things that you would NEVER tell to anyone else. This is necessary in order for your healthcare practitioner to accurately assess what is going on in order to help plan the best course of action.
When you come in to labor and delivery is no exception, from: last menstrual period, last bowel movement, prescence and severity of hemorrhoids, character of vaginal discharge to the last time you had sex... We pretty much leave you NO privacy whatsoever!!
That being said, there are SOME things that we are MORE than happy to allow you and your S.O. to keep to yourselves!
A couple weeks ago we had a primigravida come in, thinking she was in labor. She was 41.3wks EGA and having contractions irregularly. She brought her husband and his mother with her -- they were the "helicopter-type" family, always hovering. But, she soaked it up so they were a good match. There was also a slight language barrier, not so much conversational, but when discussing different medical terms.
During the litany of admission questions, we first had to go over just WHAT a circumcision was... GREEEAAT!! Always love that one... If they don't automatically know what it is, they generally are against it and when they (especially the dads) understand what it is you are talking about, you get the gamut of horrified/disgusted reactions!!
The kicker question was when they didn't understand what "intercourse" meant, we had to clarify by asking, "have you had sex in the past 24hrs?".
The husband said, "...oh yes! We tried to have sex yesterday because she wasn't feeling good and we were trying to make her feel better... we even had some foreplay too..." The patient broke in, "...mmhmmm... and it was very good, it has been awhile since I was able to enjoy it, but last night was good...."
"AHHHHHH!!! My ears, my ears!!! You are scarring me for life!!!"
**throwing up a little in my mouth**
Please, please, please friends.... spare me the details. I just needed a simple "yes" or "no"