My contractions WERE...

For all those who have never had a baby before - even for all those who have had a baby before!! (Unless you are less than 35 weeks pregnant and therefore should be concerned about regular contractions)
The last 4-6 weeks of pregnancy are incredibly difficult!! We call it the "woes of late pregnancy" or WLP. You are hot, tired, BIG, baby is making impressions on your ribs and trying to rupture your bladder, you feel like a bowling ball is trying to fit through your pelvis and EVERYONE around you is telling you how miserable you look and how you are "DEFINITELY going to have that baby by tomorrow" because you are passing funky things from interesting places and/or having some contractions (ctxs).
Okay, so here it is:
You WILL have ctxs in the later weeks of pregnancy - that is normal, it is actually a good thing because it shows that your body is "revving up" or preparing for the big day!!
You may actually have ctxs for up to several hours, they may even be rather uncomfortable and nasty for awhile.
BUT, and here is the point, IF they STOP or GO AWAY after a couple hours or you FALL ASLEEP and they are gone when you wake up... PLEASE do not show up to my unit saying, "well, I had contractions about every 10 min for a couple hours but now I am not having any..." and "no, I actually haven't been drinking much water today".
Listen to me, you will do us all a favor -
You - because once you are ours, we starve you, stick you in an uncomfortable bed with bands strapped to your belly. Poke, prod and check in uncomfortable places and give you the 3rd degree which a lot of people find a tad un-nerving. Your modesty is gone!
Your Family - because after FIVE episodes of "run to the hospital, I'm in labor", they are gonna get good and tired of your drama and maybe they won't be so quick to respond when it really IS the big day!!
Your Nurses - because we get tired of seeing you every couple days, you are beginning to waste our time and we have other patients who actually waited until the "big day" to arrive. Especially when the first thing you say to us is that 1. you are here for ctxs and 2. that you are no longer having ctxs!!
Your Doctors - because they are people too and they get tired of answering pages for the SAME thing every day when just yesterday they told you to "drink a couple of glasses of water and take a hot shower, then lie down and count the ctxs" and yet you STILL show up at the hospital.
Pregnancy IS actually supposed to last 40 weeks (at least) and though I know that with the modern invention of the induction, most do not last that long, they probably still should!!
Chances are that you will not go into labor before your due date or induction date.
Enjoy these last few days or weeks - once that baby is out, your entire life will completely change - FOREVER
See you on the unit.